itty bitty titty committee (2007)

With a hurricane pending and a pretty free social calendar since my sweetie starting remacking on cisgender dudes, what better way to spend a Saturday night than kicking it with my girl Rel, her girl Amanda, some questionable shrimp pad thai and The Itty Bitty Titty Committee? Stumped?  Well, I couldn’t think of one either so me and my pup Blue made the trek out to her no-man’s land sublet for some second-wave meets third-wave feminist showdown rom com cooter candy and we were not disappointed.  This movie kills!

Anna (Melonie “Great Lips, No Range” Diaz) is smarting from a break-up from her gf Jacinta.  With big sis getting married and no college prospects in sight, she spends her time working as a receptionist for a plastics guy specializing in breast augmentation.  (She also wears some pretty unfortunate khaki flares for the first twenty minutes of the film.)  But this all changes when she meets Sadie (Nicole Vicius), a ridiculous hottie she catches spray-painting the tit clinic after hours.  Sadie announces that she’s the ringleader of an activist organization called Clits in Action (CIA) and that Anna should totally stop by and jam on their covert activities if she’s ever in the hood.  And she’s about to get more “in the hood” than she ever expected.  Bad news though: Sadie’s got a sugar momma (guest lecturer second year at Smith, thanks) and she’s not givin’ up the perks of living with the director of a nonprofit for the wiles of just any baby dyke who wants to learn the ropes of Rrriot Grrl.  No.  It’s going to take more than that and that’s just what this film is about: Anna’s journey to herself and the politicized pussy of her dreams.

That journey is told in a shit ton of montage and normally that would bother me, but how can I resist five comely queers defacing public property with Guerrilla Girls slogans, moshing at a never-ending array of punked-out clam parties and giggling over Kool-Aid dye jobs to the strains of Bikini Kill?  I can’t and I didn’t.  The actors are actually good (special shout-out to the new object of my clitoner Carly Pope as Shuli, the sex-positive straight chick who randomly bags Daniela Sea’s drifter Calvin mid-film and never looks back!) and some of the writing even made me laugh. Since being dumped, I need that.  And a date.  And a reprieve from alcohol abuse.  But I digress.  Back to the film, ADD-ers!

So things are going swimmingly until the gang takes a road trip to protest some gay marriage rally in Sacramento – get ready to get radical – and Sadie plugs the newbie.  A killer sex scene by gay lesbian comedy standards ensues, this double-header (forgive me) cutting back and forth between Cunt Tangle #1 and a Calvin/Shuli car bang fest, set in motion after Calvin explains his job in Iraq (“I got a medal for my work in explosives”) and ending with Shuli creaming over the subversion.  All seems good, right?  WRONG.  Meat, the resident artist of the group and Sadie’s ex-fuck buddy is mad as hell when everybody shows up late to the rally and to top it off Shuli punches a right-winger for talking crazy binary shit and generally insulting her newly dyked ass.  This sets off a whole bunch of dominoes and lots of important issues get addressed: lesbian bed death, friend fucking, and questionable transmasculine fashion choices to name just a few.

I won’t tell you too much else except that some more people get fucked over, the group seems on the verge of collapse, but because of Anna’s ingenuity (the kind only inspired by desperate vag-trolling/love), the deus ex machina is rockin’a!  I love art!  I love activism!  I love girls who do those things!  Also, special treat: CELESBIAN CAMEOS.  I spotted Clea Duvall (But I’m A Cheerleader), Jenny Shimuzu (Angelina Jolie’s ex-muff bumper/CK model), and Guinevere Turner (Go Fish).  Wtf –  good call, director Jamie Babbit!  We’ll even forgive you for helming that episode of Cougar Town.  Just don’t do it again.

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