Here’s a breakdown of the various category labels we use to help you quickly get the gist of a G & L film. A little reductive? Yeah, but you don’t ever want to get stuck watching The Gymnast alone again. Sometimes boundaries create freedom.

You think this film’s going to share your radical politics?  Wrong.  Maybe you’ll recognize the sexual orientation, but the similarities end there.  Watch out for offensive white people and a complete disregard for expansive thinking around class privilege, racial inequality, and gender stereotypes. Bad Gays require a really dark sense of humor/suspension of disbelief.

Sometimes Hollywood remembers we exist. And sometimes that can be great. Sometimes. Big-Budge films are big-budget spectacles. Think In and Out. Oi.

You were into it. You were feeling it. Then Tori Spelling killed your buzz. Or maybe the hour forty of innuendo promised you something more than an implied sex scene. Blue-Balls films just don’t follow through – and leave you feelin’ sore.

Coming of age, political strife, incest – you know all the things that make being gay gay – often lead to some shedding of tears. Maybe you’re up for that, or maybe you just want to watch Adam and Steve. Crying makes it more real.

Every ‘mo can use a Documentary once in a while to check back in to the (often unbearable) lightness of our homo being. These films are REAL, bitch.

Thought you’d be enlightened about gender or sexuality with this seemingly feminist film? Nope. The heterosexual screenwriter probably was just tricking you into watching his faux-lesbian wankfest. If it’s labeled Dumb Feminism expect to have to eat that gender-studies minor you got with a slice of crow pie.

People from other countries really get what it means to be gay. But sometimes those subtitles are too much of a pain. You should know. Foreign means it waddn’t made here.

The hardest part any actor can be asked to play is a ‘mo. Harder than any Other Sister out there. This category is for those that do it up. Fucking Amazing Acting is for performances that are the bomb.

These films are rare finds. Full ‘Mo means that the gay people in the film are gay. Just gay. Not secretly married. Not confused. Not drunk in a hotel room in Italy. But really fully ‘mo’in. Pride, bitches!!!

Spent your life fighting for gay justice, waving rainbow flags and repealing laws with creepy sounding acronyms like ENDA? Maybe G’Ashamed films ain’t for you. These films make you call into question your own homosexual impulses and may leave you peeved, or converted by Christ.

These films feature gay or lesbian sex scenes, and don’t shy away from representing the full extent of hot-hot-homo-ness. A Gay Sex label lets you know that you’re gonna see it. Just in case you were wondering. Not like you were.

Lesbiochemistry films aren’t just lesbian films. They just appeal to the typical lesbian longing to be attached to someone so intimately that you share a moon cup. Who hasn’t been there? Anybody? My sistas? No? Ok.

Look. We can’t all live on The A-List or The Real L Word. Generally, gay people are really poor. So it’s ok that they make crap-quality low-budget films. Low-Budge lets know before you open up one of these iMovie projects your retina display.

It’s nice when straight people try to understand what gay life is like, but sometimes you want the real deal from someone that’s lived it. Sorry, Ang. If it’s Made by Breeders you should know. Just so you’re not confused when that anal sex scene is impossibly staged.

If it’s modern, and classic, and queer, it’s a Mo Classic. These are the films we rely on to make us laugh, cry and maybe get tested. We love them.

Not Gay films, despite their Netflix categorization are not really gay films at all. Either Spike Lee had a hand in it or some idiots mislabeled it. You need to know about these ones before you even click on “more info.”

All gay men have chemicals in their bodies that make them do typical gay things, like hustle, abuse drugs and have lots of anonymous sex. Phagamones means that some kind of obnoxious, stereotypical gay male behavior abounds in this film.

There’s a reason you’re browsing Netflix instead of XTube, but sometimes filmmakers accidentally get their tweets crossed and sell their Porn as feature films on Netflix. Maybe that’s your bag. If it is, we’ll let you know.

There’s a fine line between poignant and Preachy. Films in this category, however, electric slide right over that line and hit you over the head with a ruby slipper of “message!”

Films that are beautiful cinematographically. Saturated colors and bold hues matching the deeply shaded animus of the homosexual condition. Right. That’s what Pretty means.

Sometimes all a run-of-the-mill hetero film needs is a politically-light gay storyline to mix things up. Scared Straights are films that don’t dare to embrace the full realities of a gay lifestyle, culture or community.

Smart films have brains as well as bras, wit as well as willies. These are the films that make you think. They might not be any good. But they make you think.

Films in which a gay character tragically dies. This may or may not be related to the character being gay, but it sure sucks for them (and for us, usually). Tragic Death lets you know that in these films, gay people die.

Who says there’s no gay TV? We’ve moved way beyond Will and Grace and now we’ve got such self-loathing and ill-conceived gems as Can’t Get a Date and Curl Girls. Geesh.

Hello? Writers? Where have you gone? This category is for films whose strong point isn’t language. Eg. “I just slept with my best friend. Who’s a girl. I am so cool.” – Wave Babes.

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